Monday, June 19, 2006

Duvidha

Duvidha,
Dilemma,
Kashmakash...

Life- a maze of alternatives. Choices at every step.
And my futile attempts to find the right path.

How do I know what to do?

Filled with conflict, hate, love...
So what choice do I make?

Only the light of goodness to show my path...
fading under the strain of compromise.

Is there a right way?
Is there a way out?

Do I even want a way out?

There are no answers...
Just a lot of bleak black sorrow

There are actually no tomorrows left.

I can only wonder...
Does the pain ever stop?????

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Honesty

All of us, as women, and individuals, have to make so many choices in life...
and at every step, it is only what we honestly believe in that is worth choosing and pursuing.
It is but one life, and we owe it to ourselves to do the best we can and not compromise..
which is something I did.

And I can never forgive myself for it.

Sorry I Murdered Myself

Kismat...Jo likha thha wo ho gaya..wo kiya maine.
Maine hi kiya- ya khud ho gaya?Kya mere bas me thha..
aaj hazaar khayal aate hain- ki mai rok leti, badal deti apni kismat...
Shayad mere hi haathon se mere apne zameer ka khoon likha thha...

Haan- maine hi kiya, mujhse hi hua hai katl-
aur kisi ko kya dosh doon jab maine khud apni awaaz nahi suni

Mai chillati rahi, par maine khud hi apna gala ghot diya
chup kara diya sachchai ko
Jab mai hi sachchai ke liye nahi lad saki
to aur kisi ko kya dosh doon..

Jab maine hi buraai ka saath diya...
maine hi to galti ki
Mera to zameer thha - maar daala
yun hi khoon kar diya

aur usko maarkar mai jee sakti hoon kya...

har pal aatm-hatya
har pal ek maut
haan- mai to har pal ek maut jee rahi hoon

Kitne dinon se zindagi me dard ka ehsaas nahi thha
ab aisa dard hai ki aur kuchh nahi raha
na zindagi, na ehsaas

bas ek besahara, laachaar si zindagi
jo kisi bhi maut se kahin buri hai

jab khud apna vishwaas tod diya-
to kisi se kya gila

jab khud se sachchai nahi ki
to aur kisi se kya ummeed

haan- mere hi to haathon mera khoon hua hai...