Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Alone? Still?

Yesterday, some old family friends were visiting my parents. I happened to call home- and spoke to Uncle-Aunty as well. They've known me since I was a little kid.
And when I grew up, they were among the foremost people to be worried that I wasn't getting married. On time.
They even fixed me up two or three times- with their friends sons' (of course, it never worked out).

Considering that they were so worried about my single state, I assumed that they would be happy that I was married now. I last met them during my wedding (obviously they had been there), and this was the first time I spoke to them after that.

So the first thing Uncle says to me " Kya beta, still alone?"
I was flabbergasted.
"No, Uncle, I'm married now"

I felt this would make him happy, as he was always bothered by my unmarried state (I wonder why, since my family saw his about once a year). Though I would have taken offence at this statement even when I was single. But I could not think of anything else to say.

"I mean, you don't have kids. So of course you are alone."

Well, wow!! So first he kept fixing me up with random people, to remedy what he thought was wrong with my life. Now, he's still finding things wrong with it!!

But what bothered me most was the subtext.
A woman is alone till she's married. And she's even lonelier till she has kids.
She's never enough for herself. Her life, work, career, friends obviously don't count towards makin her any less lonely.
Hell, even the fact that she's married doesn't make a difference!!!

What happens when the kids grow up and leave? They, after all, define her life.
And the poor woman is alone. Again.

I can't even begin to get angry at this- because this is wrong at so many levels, I wouldn't know where to start. Yet I'm angry. Yet it bothers me. Yet, I don't know what to do.

Will people ever think a woman is complete in herself?

That she is GOOD ENOUGH for herself?