Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Some Morning Thoughts

Just read
1. http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2010/01/24/dheeyaan-dee-maa-rani-bhudhaapey-bharey-paani/
2. http://doctorofphilosphy.blogspot.com/2010/01/indian-women.html

Now I'm going to be depressed the whole day!

What makes it worse is that this attitude pervades and permeates the pores of our country. It is like talking and breathing, it is everywhere, is is normal. It is all right to think like this. Its perfectly legitimate to want sons. People don't even stop to consider that this is something that could possibly ever be questioned.

This happened to me yesterday night. I was talking to Mom, and she was, as usual, bemoaning the fact that I don't have kids (read son). The latest in a series of ideas about how to have children is to keep a mannat. That is basically saying to God that I would do such-and-such if you give me so-and-so.

Like a true negotiator, she gave me a real world example (real people I know)
"There was this woman in our colony, who had three daughters. She kept this mannat that she would go to the temple every day for 40 days, and do jhadu-poccha there. For 40 days non-stop... ab to uska beta jawaan ho gaya hai"

Do you want me to list everything that is wrong in the above statement? It might take another 2-3 hours. I felt immensely sorry for this poor woman, who must have been hounded to death by our society for producing 3 daughters. And the only way she could get respect and any worth whatsoever was to beget a son.
But my Mom only saw her as a winner- a winner who worked hard to get that most coveted of prizes, a son.
Anyway, the point is that when narrating this story, my Mom did not even think that this was offensive, wrong or anything. For her, this only demonstrated that God can fulfill all wishes, and give you a son.

My Dad (who's the most enlightened person in the whole world) actually gave me a real world reason to have a son. When I was arguing with my parents, why son?, he said something prosaic, practical and a Parthian shot:

"Sasuraal mein reputation ban jaati hai"


indianhomemaker said...

Oh yes it's true!! Sasural mein reputation ban jaati hai. :( You should say, "But relationship with husband improves once he starts loving his daughter."

I have seen women who have daughters and are truly comfortable and proud of their daughters get 'izzat' everywhere. It becomes an opportunity to show everybody around how good a daughter can be - (not better, because both are good)- just what joy, companionship, friend and support for the mother, and some delight for the father!!

Richa said...

Oh God! You said it! The facts are so outrageous and yet they exist. People take them as a fact of life! I am not sure if any of them ever stopped and thought about it even for a sec. Everything is about "Bhed-chal" in our society. It is the right thing to do and say, if every one else is doing it or saying it!

I am glad at least some of us know better and wouldn't succumb to these stupid values...

Chamaree said...

Rachna, for your non Hindi reading fans, please translate. :)