Friday, January 20, 2012

Neanderthal Man: Bitchfest Episode 2

After a long time, here I present to you the next version of Bitchfest. Been a long time coming, but then I am such a sweet and tolerant person that it really takes a lot to infuriate me ;-) (oh, the sarcasm and irony! Especially when I have documented here my long time struggle to conquer anger). Anyway, I digress. Lets go back to the point of this post, ranting ;-)

So I recently had the (mis)fortune to meet this guy. And he has been kind enough to express some of his views about women and their "duties" to their husbands. He often talks about how women need to cook for their husbands, no matter whether women work or not. After all, it is a woman's duty to cook for the poor guy, since he can not be expected to do so himself. When I tried to point out to him that maybe this thought process was not completely correct- men need to contribute too- he shot back at me, so don't you cook for your husband? Since of course, in his mind, that was the clinching argument.

A few days ago, I met him again as part of a large group, and he started talking about how men work so much more and have more tension in their lives, as compared to women/ wives! Oh well! Men who work less hours than their wives, come home sooner, and sit on the couch watching TV, waiting for their wives to come home and cook and clean. When we (me and some other infuriated women in the group) told him that actually working women work a lot more- since we work both at home and office- he said that of course we could give up working. Outside the home. Not that men could contribute more so that women's lives could be a bit easier, but women who had problems handling both should just give up work. He then added after all, that it is the wife's duty to take care of the husband. Since men work outside the home (and of course, women need not).

Now, this guy is planning to get married soon, and his parents are looking for a girl for him. So he was talking about that, and said that he was ambivalent about marriage, because, once married, he could no longer party/ hang out with friends (yes, that was his reason!). So I suggested that he could party with his wife, and/or take her to the party with friends. His answer- of course I can not, because she would not drink. So I asked her how did he know she would not drink, since he has yet to meet anybody. Well, he answered, because obviously the girl my parents find will not drink. Okay, fair enough, so I suggested that he could initiate her into drinking socially. To which he responded that it was better if she did not drink!!

After that, I just gave up talking to him.
All this, coming from a decently educated guy working in the US. It is saddening, disappointing, but most of all, infuriating. Is this a problem peculiar to Indian men? Who grew up so mollycoddled and worshipped by their families that they don't think helping their wives in housework is important? More so in the US where there is nothing like household help? Who think that it is a wife's duty, DUTY, DUTY (I feel like screaming that word) to take care of the husband? Whatever happened to taking care of each other? Wasn't that what marriage was supposed to be? Where does this sense of utter entitlement come from?


Psych Babbler™ said...

Let's hope this guy never gets married...for the sake of his wife-to-be! He sounds bloody obnoxious!

unknown said...

I think I can count indian men on my fingers who are not like this. It so sad. All these rules and duties are made so that men lead a comfortable life. How convenient. A wives duty is to cook, clean, procreate and also look pretty. All of these are expected even if she is not feeling well. So sad.

nidhi j

Richa said...

Having met quite a few of these men, I have given up arguing with them one way or the other. There is no point, is there?

I just hope the girl marrying him doesn't go by the fact that he is well educated and is living in US to judge his views about marriage.

bins said...

Considering that I have a lot of friends who fall into this bracket, I have realized the best thing to do is just ignore what they are saying instead of getting frustrated. One of them actually had the audacity to tell me that they did not want a girl like me who was independent, ambitious and liked to party. I guess they basically do not want girls who question their authority and can fend for themselves.

I guess you really cannot blame these guys because they have been brainwashed my their mothers to think they are entitled to have their wives serve hand and foot on them. I pity the girl who marries him and all the others like him.

Rachna said...

@PB- You know what, the funny thing is he is actually quite humble and sweet in all other interactions. As long as he does not talk about his archaic views about women. That is the paradox!

Rachna said...

@Nidhi- It is sad. It is a patriarchal society that we live in, and all these rules are made to serve men. Unfortunate, but true!

@Richa- Haan, I realized too late that it is good to give up arguing.Basically, it is like patthar se sir phodna! Apna hi dimaag kharaab ho jaata hai, and then I have to come here and rant to get it out of my mind ;-)

Rachna said...

@Bins- I like your use of the word "audacity". Because that is what it is!! And I agree that maybe it is useless to blame them, and that they have been brainwashed by worshipping mothers.
Still I blame them. Doesn't education and exposure to the bigger world count for anything?

bins said...

@Rachna Education and the adult world do teach certain norms and rules to people and hence they appear to have ideas that match with the forward thinking world but I think the integral personality of a person is something that they derive from their upbringing and no amount of exposure can change that. If you think about it most of these men who expect their wives to wait on them are educated. I am not saying they should be completely absolved of any blame and allowed to do as they choose but I am not really sure how you can change their view because talking obviously does not do it because all of us have tried it at some point.

Anonymous said...

Hi Rachna,

Read your posts and loved all of them! Keep writing :)

P.S. Wish you had a Like button on your blog!

Rachna said...

@burningdezires- thanks a lot! Glad you liked them :-)
Will try and figure out the social buttons. Have been wanting to do so for some time, but blogger is not very user friendly. Nothing like a simple button for low-tech people like me.
But I agree that in this social age, I need to have them. Thanks for the reminder, I will figure it out now that I have some push :-) said...

hahahaa ... funny guy ! he needs to get himself tested for once

Rachna said...

@tool - oh, it was infuriating to talk to him! I was fuming for so long, the only way to regain sanity was to write it all down here.