Monday, July 17, 2006


Maybe I just can't live the lie.
Maybe that is not me.

A resurgence, a revival, yet more pain... or mere pain...

Will I let this endless eternal pain kill me?
Or will I aceept - like most of us do- and live with it forever- mute, silent, suffering?

Will this be the only place in the world where my tears will coalesce and take the form of comprehensible (or maybe not) prose?

We all live with our private hells within us- yup, I read that awfully cliched line when I must have been 14... and have never forgotten it... yet never felt its truth till these last few days...

Yes, I know now- I have to endure silently, accept, be quiet, never talk-

For the pain will never go... but just go on.........

To ask the most oft-repeated question in the world- why me, God?
Was I singularly hand-picked for this?
This slow gradual everlasting pain....................

I' m sick of crying..and yet the tears do not stop...

Maybe just one bout of tears.... and catharsis

But nothing seems to wash away the grief

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