Sunday, November 20, 2011

Musings on Validation

So I was wondering today about this deep rooted, deep seated need for validation that we, as mere mortals, have. How deep seated and deep rooted it is, depends on each of us as individuals. Our upbringing, life, circumstances, gender, society and culture all influence the depth and intensity of this atavistic desire. Or is it just me, who has this intense need for validation of self?

From what dark void inside me does this need arise? And why is it so intense? More to the point, why is it focused on external systems and means of validation? Oh yes, I have done enough self-introspection and psychoanalysis to know the answer. Still I struggle with the answers. Still it is not enough.

I have realized that seeking external validation, and getting it, is a mere drug. An addiction of sorts, that satisfies the occasional craving. Can an intermittent high from an ephemeral compliment even come close to satisfying what is, what has become, an eternal need? Yet I question the very existence of this need, if not its existence, atleast its strength.

Time and again I have seen this inside me, time and again I have realized the one painful truth, that I am not good enough for myself. Why seek external validation, if my internal validation was enough? What lack inside me, that my self-belief is weak and wavering? What depths do I plumb to find inside me worth and confidence in my self?

I know that is the answer. I need to believe more in my own abilities, my own choices, my own self, my own identity. It is only internal validation that will lead to lessening of doubt, fulfilment of self, and the ability to traverse life more confidently. Because internal validation is not ephemeral, not fleeting, not occasional. It is this deep abiding faith in oneself, this deep love for self that gives joy, fulfilment and freedom.

Yes, there is the line of one of my favorite songs goes, ...ik khalish hai hawaaon mein bin tere...(there is an emptiness in the air without you...). But the only person who can fill this void is me. I need to be there for myself. In this time when doubts rage, when things change, when I question my very worth and value. I need to tell myself that I am good enough. Not for the outside world, not for people, not for family, not for friends. I am good enough for myself.

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